30 kinds of wonderful: 8. Walter the giant squid.

OK, so I’m doing this thing where I’m counting down to my 30th birthday with 30 kinds of wonderful. If you need to catch up, just start here.
Now let’s go!

8. Walter the giant squid

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you’ll already be familiar with Walter the giant squid. You might have read about his (almost) return to the sea at Tamarama. Or his 15 minutes of fame at the MCA… Or his day at Eveleigh Artisans Market…

But what you did NOT hear about was how Walter ran away to join a porn shoot in Kings Cross. Well, after his appearance at the Year of the Tiger Design Federation party, he elected to stay on at the bar rather than get drenched in the pouring rain outside.

Being a responsible squid owner, I dropped by the very next day to pick Walter up. I knocked on the closed door of the bar, and there being no answer, let myself in.

I was greeted by three buxom ladies in satin robes, lounging on director’s chairs. Behind them was the slightly sloppy set of what was undeniably the set of a porno.

“Can we help you, love?” drawled one of the ladies.

“Ummm…” says I…

(An internal monologue begins. Right now, I’m the normal one. But in, oh, two seconds, when I enquire as to the whereabouts of my crocheted giant squid, the tables will be turned. For ever.)

“I am looking for my crocheted giant squid. Have you seen him?”.

The ladies just look at me. You’re really really crazy, their faces say.

I babble on about how Walter was in a show here just last night, and how he was to be put safely in a store room. And the ladies finally take pity on me and suggest I take a look around. I scurry around, eyes averted from the porn shoot, but Walter the squid is nowhere to be found.

“You couldn’t find your squid, love?”, my friend drawls.

“Umm, no. I guess I’ll call the managers…”. I slink out of there, squidless.

A number of days, and many increasingly alarmed phone calls later, Walter turns up. “But where was he?”, I ask. The manager looks uncomfortable. “I really couldn’t say”, he says. Walter and I walk home, and he isn’t forthcoming either.

To this day, I am waiting to hear about the porno starring my giant squid…

To be continued tomorrow.


~ by Niccola on January 10, 2012.

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